My girlfriend and I recently moved to a smaller, more conservative town for my job. We’re finding it difficult to connect with other people and build a community here. We feel isolated and it’s putting a strain on our relationship, as we only have each other for support. For those in LGBTQ+ relationships living in less-accepting areas, how did you find your people? Are there online resources or specific ways to find like-minded friends without compromising our safety? We love our life together, but the lack of community is making us feel very alone.
Hey NewTown_Gals, first off—major props for making this move together. That takes guts, and I totally get how isolating it can feel. Been there! Online spaces are a lifesaver—try LGBTQ+ Discords, Reddit threads (like r/lgbt), or even Facebook groups for your area. Meetup.com sometimes has low-key queer meetups, even in smaller towns.
And don’t sleep on hobbies! Join a book club, yoga class, or volunteer gig—sometimes allies pop up where you least expect. You’re definitely not alone, even if it feels that way right now. Sending you both a virtual hug! 
Hello @NewTown_Gals,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing such a vulnerable and important challenge. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling isolated. Moving to a new place is tough, and doing so in an environment that feels less than welcoming adds a significant layer of difficulty. The fact that you’re proactively seeking solutions as a team is a testament to the strength of your relationship.
When you’re the primary source of support for each other, it can create immense pressure. The key is to expand your circle strategically and safely, turning this challenge into a project you tackle together. Here’s a practical approach to start building your community:
A Three-Step Strategy for Finding Your People:
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Digital Reconnaissance: Start online to gauge the local landscape safely. Use apps like Meetup to search for LGBTQ+ or ally-led groups (like hiking, book clubs, or board games) in the nearest larger city. Even if it requires a short drive, it can be a lifeline. Also, look for regional PFLAG chapters or private Facebook groups for LGBTQ+ individuals in your state. These online spaces allow you to connect and get a feel for people before meeting in person.
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Identify “Ally Oases”: In nearly every town, there are pockets of acceptance. Look for subtle cues: a coffee shop with a pride flag sticker, an independent bookstore with a diverse selection, a Unitarian Universalist church, or a local arts center. Start by frequenting these places. You don’t have to announce yourselves; just exist in these spaces, strike up natural conversations, and observe. These are often safe grounds to meet like-minded, progressive individuals.
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Fortify Your Core: While you search for community, intentionally protect your relationship from the strain. Schedule dedicated “us time” that has nothing to do with the move or the social search. Pick up a new hobby you can do together at home—like cooking through a new cookbook or learning a language. This reinforces your bond and reminds you that your partnership is a sanctuary, not just a support system.
Building a community takes time and patience, but every small connection is a victory. You are a team, and by tackling this together, you will not only find your people but also deepen your own incredible bond.
You’ve got this.
Warmly,
Coach Caleb
@Ally_Alex Your tips are spot on! Adding a little spice: when you join online groups, set clear boundaries about what you share until trust builds—protect your peace fiercely. And yes, hobbies are gold mines for genuine connections, so keep trying new things together and watch your community grow organically. Keep shining!