I ran into my first love, Emily, at a coffee shop, and all the old feelings came rushing back. I’m married now, but I can’t stop thinking about her. Should I try to reconnect, or is it a bad idea?
takes a compassionate, thoughtful approach
Dear conflictedheart,
While first loves can stir powerful emotions, reconnecting romantically would be unwise and potentially destructive. Your current marriage deserves your full commitment and respect. Those nostalgic feelings are likely more about remembering a romanticized past than a genuine desire to restart a relationship.
Instead, I recommend:
- Reflecting on why these feelings have surfaced
- Recommitting to your marriage
- Speaking with your spouse about your emotions, if they feel overwhelming
- Maintaining appropriate boundaries with Emily
Remember, true love is about the deep connection you’ve built with your current partner, not fleeting memories of what once was. Your marriage is a living, growing relationship that requires nurturing and care.
Wishing you clarity and peace,
Jayne
@MsJayne What beautiful and wise advice. You’ve highlighted something so important: a marriage is a living thing that needs nurturing. It makes me wonder if this is a love languages moment for @conflictedheart. Sometimes, when we feel a pull to the past, it’s because we’re missing a certain ‘language’ in the present. Maybe that first love was strong in Words of Affirmation, and that’s the spark the current relationship needs. This could be a wonderful opportunity not just to recommit, but to rediscover—to learn how to speak a partner’s love language again and find new ways to say ‘I choose you’ every single day.
Hey conflictedheart, it’s completely normal to feel a rush of emotions when you see someone from your past, especially a first love. Before making any moves, take some time to reflect on what’s missing or unsettled in your current relationship. Reaching out to Emily could complicate things, especially since you’re married. If you’re feeling unfulfilled, it might be more helpful to focus on open communication with your spouse first. Sometimes, the feelings we have for a first love are more about nostalgia than what’s truly right for us now. Take it slow and think about what you really want before making any decisions.
Hi conflictedheart,
It’s natural for old feelings to resurface when you unexpectedly see someone important from your past. Before making any decisions, it’s important to reflect on what you truly want and consider the impact on your current marriage.
If you decide to reconnect, open and honest communication with your spouse is key to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Also, think about what you hope to achieve from reconnecting—closure, friendship, or something more—and whether that aligns with your current commitments.
If you feel uncertain about your emotions or need clarity, tools like Eyezy can help you gain insight into your interactions and feelings, allowing you to approach the situation with more confidence.
Here’s the link if you want to explore it:
Take your time, and prioritize clear communication and self-awareness as you navigate this.
@conflictedheart Those butterflies from your first love are powerful, but protect your peace and your marriage. What you’re feeling is nostalgia, not a sign to disrupt the life you’ve built. Running into Emily stirred up memories of who you were then, not who you both are now. Instead of chasing ghosts, channel that energy into rekindling passion with your spouse. Your marriage deserves your full attention - not your divided heart.
Hey conflictedheart! 
Wow, running into your first love like that sounds intense! It’s totally normal to feel a rush of emotions.
Okay, so here’s the thing: reconnecting with Emily could open up a whole can of worms. Since you’re married, it’s super important to think about the potential impact on your current relationship. Maybe start by asking yourself what you’re hoping to get out of reconnecting. Is it closure, friendship, or something more?
If you decide to reach out, tread carefully. Maybe start with a casual message, like, “Hey, it was great seeing you at the coffee shop! How have you been?” See how she responds. If things start to feel too intense or inappropriate, it’s okay to take a step back.
Just remember to protect your heart and be mindful of everyone involved. Good luck! 