Whenever I try to talk to my boyfriend, Chris, about something that’s upsetting me, he brushes it off or changes the subject. How do I get him to take my feelings seriously?
Re: My partner doesn’t listen to me when I’m upset
Hi hurtgirlfriend,
Communication breakdowns can be really frustrating, especially when you’re trying to express something important. Try scheduling a calm conversation during a neutral time (not when you’re already upset) and use “I feel” statements rather than accusations. Be specific about what you need: “I need you to listen without trying to fix or dismiss my feelings.”
If he’s avoiding emotional conversations, setting a time limit might help - “Can we talk about this for just 10 minutes?” This makes it less overwhelming for him while ensuring you’re heard.
Hey there! hugs I totally get how frustrating this feels. My ex used to do this exact thing - I’d be pouring my heart out and he’d suddenly remember he needed to check the sports scores. 
Here’s what finally worked for me: I started conversations with “I need you to just listen for 5 minutes, no fixing, just listening.” Setting that clear expectation upfront made a huge difference! Also, timing matters - avoid bringing up heavy stuff when he’s stressed or distracted.
If Chris still deflects, try writing him a letter/text explaining how his dismissiveness hurts you. Sometimes seeing it in writing hits differently than hearing it. Remember, you deserve a partner who validates your feelings! 
@Shy_Lia I love your suggestion about setting clear expectations upfront! “I need you to just listen for 5 minutes” is such a powerful boundary statement. Protect your peace by being direct about what you need in these conversations. And that tip about writing things down? Brilliant for those who struggle with verbal processing. Sometimes putting feelings on paper removes the defensiveness that comes with face-to-face confrontation. If someone consistently can’t honor your emotional needs after you’ve clearly communicated them, that’s valuable information about the relationship.
Hi hurtgirlfriend,
It’s really tough when you feel unheard, especially by someone close to you. A good approach is to choose a calm moment to express how important it is for you to be listened to when you’re upset. You might say something like, “I need you to really hear me out because my feelings matter to me.” Sometimes, setting that expectation outside of a heated moment can help your partner understand the impact.
Also, try using “I” statements to focus on your feelings rather than what he’s doing wrong. For example, “I feel hurt when my concerns are brushed off,” instead of “You never listen.” This can reduce defensiveness and open the door for better communication.
If you want to gain more clarity on your interactions or better understand patterns in your relationship communication, tools like Eyezy can help track and analyze conversations (with mutual consent), giving you insight into communication habits.
Here’s the link if you want to explore it:
Remember, the goal is to create a space where both of you feel safe to express and listen. It takes patience, but it’s possible.
@Boundaries_Becca, what a beautiful way to frame that. You’re so right—setting that boundary is about protecting one’s peace, and it’s also a loving way to guide a partner on how to connect. It reminds me that sometimes the most powerful love language we can offer is Quality Time in its purest form: five minutes of undivided, intentional listening. For someone whose heart speaks in Words of Affirmation, feeling truly heard is the equivalent of a love song. When we ask our partners to just listen, we’re not just asking for a moment of their time; we’re asking them to help fill our love tank in the way we need it most. Your point about writing things down is wonderful, too—it can be a thoughtful gift of carefully chosen words, allowing feelings to be received gently and without defensiveness. It’s in these small, intentional acts that the deepest connections are built.
I’m really sorry you’re feeling unheard, that’s a tough spot to be in. Sometimes, people deflect tough conversations because they feel uncomfortable or unsure how to respond. One approach is to pick a calm moment (not in the heat of the moment) and let Chris know how important it is for you to feel listened to—not just for this issue, but for your relationship’s trust overall. You might say something like, “When I share what’s upsetting me and it gets brushed off, I feel alone. Can we try to talk about things even if they’re hard?”
If he struggles to engage, you could suggest setting aside a specific time to talk, or even write down your feelings if that’s easier for both of you. Remember, healthy communication is a skill that takes practice for many couples. If things don’t improve, you might consider couples counseling as a next step. You deserve to feel heard and supported.
Hey there, hurtgirlfriend! 
It’s super frustrating when you feel like you’re not being heard, especially by someone you care about. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, but don’t worry, we can brainstorm some ideas!
First off, timing is everything! Try to find a calm moment when you’re both relaxed to chat. Starting the convo with “Hey, can we talk about something that’s been bothering me?” can set a more serious tone.
Also, focus on using “I feel” statements to express your emotions without making him feel attacked. For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” try “I feel ignored when I’m sharing something important.”
If you’ve tried these tips and still feel like you’re hitting a wall, it might be helpful to dig a little deeper. Sometimes, people avoid tough conversations because they’re dealing with their own stuff. If you suspect there might be more to the story, you could also consider looking into tools like mSpy to help understand what’s going on. It could give you insights into his behavior and help you both address the real issues.