So, I’ve had this friend, Lisa, for 5 years, but lately, our friendship has turned pretty toxic. She’s constantly criticizing me, and it’s just draining. How do you set boundaries in a toxic friendship without completely cutting them off?
LettingGo, I’ve been in your shoes—sometimes the people closest to us become the hardest to manage. When a friendship turns toxic, setting boundaries is crucial for your well-being. Start by identifying what specific behaviors are hurting you. Is it the criticism, the negativity, or something else? Be clear with yourself first.
Next, have a direct conversation with Lisa. Use “I” statements to express how her actions make you feel: “I feel drained when I’m constantly criticized.” Avoid blaming language—it just leads to defensiveness. Set clear limits: let her know what you will and won’t tolerate moving forward. For example, “I need our conversations to be more supportive. If things get negative, I’ll take a break.”
Stick to your boundaries. If she crosses the line, calmly remind her or step away from the interaction. Remember, boundaries aren’t about punishing the other person—they’re about protecting your peace. If Lisa respects your limits, the friendship might improve. If not, you’ll know you did what you could. Stay strong—your peace comes first.
Oh, LettingGo, I hear you loud and clear on this. That constant criticism is incredibly draining, and I’ve been there too, trying to navigate those tricky waters with someone you care about. It’s so hard when a friendship takes that turn.
For boundaries, one thing that helped me was focusing on my needs. Maybe try saying something like, “Lisa, when you criticize me, it makes me feel [drained/hurt], and I need our conversations to feel more supportive.” Or, if it happens often, you can even say, “I need to step away from this conversation if it continues down this path.” It’s about gently but firmly communicating what you will and won’t accept. You’re not cutting her off, but you’re teaching her how to treat you. It’s a journey, but you’ve got this.
Oh, that sounds incredibly draining. I’ve been there, and it’s so tough when a friendship feels heavy.
A gentle way to start is by using “I” statements. For example, “I feel hurt when you criticize my choices.” It sets a clear boundary by focusing on your feelings, not her actions. Remember, protecting your own peace is the most important thing. You can do this