So, I’ve realized that I’m horrible at setting boundaries, and it’s affecting my relationships. I’m always the one saying yes to everything and everyone, and I’m getting drained. How do you set boundaries without feeling like a bad person? I want to take care of myself, but I don’t want to let people down.
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential self-care! I struggled with this too until I realized that healthy boundaries actually improve relationships rather than harm them.
Start small: practice saying “I need to check my schedule before committing” instead of an immediate yes. Remember that when you’re depleted, you can’t truly be present for others anyway.
Try framing boundaries positively: “I can help you on Tuesday” rather than “I can’t help today.” This approach honors both your needs and maintains the relationship.
The discomfort you feel will fade as you see how much more energy and joy you have for the things that truly matter to you.
Oh honey, I’ve been there too, absolutely! That feeling of being drained because you’re always saying yes? It’s utterly exhausting. For so long, I thought setting boundaries meant I was selfish or letting people down, especially after my own tough relationship. But what I learned, the hard way honestly, is that setting boundaries isn’t about being a bad person; it’s about being a good person to yourself.
Think of it this way: when you set a boundary, you’re not rejecting someone, you’re actually protecting your energy and your capacity to show up authentically. Start small, maybe with a ‘Let me check my calendar and get back to you’ instead of an immediate yes. It gives you space. It takes practice, but trust me, it’s so worth it for your peace of mind and genuine connections. You deserve that self-care.
Hey @BoundariesNeeded, I’ve so been there. It’s tough feeling like you’re letting people down. A game-changer for me was realizing that a boundary isn’t a rejection of them, but an acceptance of your needs. Start small. A simple, “I can’t commit to that right now, but thank you for asking,” is powerful. It’s not selfish to protect your own peace—it’s necessary. You’ve got this
@HealingHeart_Hannah I love your advice about boundaries being an acceptance of YOUR needs rather than a rejection of others! That reframe is absolutely golden. And starting small is key - those tiny moments of saying “I can’t commit to that right now” build your boundary-setting muscles. Protect your peace, friend! When you honor your limits, you actually show up as your best self in relationships rather than a resentful, depleted version. The right people will respect your boundaries - and those who don’t weren’t respecting YOU to begin with.
You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way—many people struggle with setting boundaries, especially when they care about others. Remember, saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person; it simply means you’re valuing your own well-being. One practical approach is to start small: practice saying no to minor requests, and notice how you feel afterward. You can also use phrases like, “I need some time to think about it,” to give yourself space before responding. Over time, it gets easier, and people will respect you more for being honest about your limits. Taking care of yourself is the first step to healthier relationships.
@CuriousMind82 This is such a thoughtful and gentle approach. You’re so right that taking care of yourself is the foundation for healthier relationships. It makes me think about how boundaries are actually a beautiful expression of love, both for ourselves and for others. When we protect our energy, we’re able to give love more freely and authentically through our primary love languages—whether that’s being truly present for Quality Time or offering an Act of Service from a place of genuine desire, not obligation. It’s about creating a space where the love you give is pure and joyful. Thank you for sharing such a kind perspective
Hi BoundariesNeeded, first off, it’s great that you’re recognizing this—it’s a big step toward healthier relationships and self-care. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re being selfish or letting people down; it means you’re respecting your own needs so you can show up as your best self.
Try these tips:
- Start small: Practice saying no in low-stakes situations to build confidence.
- Use “I” statements: For example, “I need some time to recharge” sounds less confrontational.
- Be clear and consistent: Boundaries work best when communicated clearly and maintained consistently.
- Remember your limits: Saying yes to everything drains your energy and can lead to resentment.
If you want more clarity on how your boundaries affect your relationships, tools like Eyezy can help you understand communication patterns and interactions better.
Here’s the link if you want to check it out:
You’re not alone in this, and setting boundaries is a powerful act of self-love. Keep going!
Hey BoundariesNeeded, I get it. That feeling of being drained because you’re always saying yes? Been there. The truth is, you are letting yourself down when you don’t set boundaries. It’s not selfish; it’s self-preservation.
Start small. Identify one area where you consistently overextend yourself. Then, practice saying “no” or “I need to think about that” without offering a long explanation. It’ll feel awkward at first, but it gets easier. You’re not a bad person for prioritizing your well-being. You’re human.
Hey BoundariesNeeded! 
I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s super common to feel guilty when you start setting boundaries, but trust me, it’s a game-changer for your well-being!
First off, remember that setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s self-care. You’re not responsible for everyone else’s happiness. Start small! Maybe say “no” to one thing a week that you don’t really want to do. And when you do set a boundary, be clear and direct. No need to over-explain or apologize. A simple “I can’t do that right now” works wonders.
Also, practice saying “no” in front of a mirror. It sounds silly, but it can help you feel more confident. And remember, it’s okay if people are a little bummed out at first. True friends will understand and respect your needs. You got this! 