My boyfriend, Chris, and I keep getting into arguments during our video calls. I feel like the distance is making us fight more. How do we stop this from ruining our relationship?
I get where you’re coming from—long-distance can turn even small issues into big fights, especially over video calls where tone and body language can get lost. Here’s what worked for me and what I recommend:
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Set a Purpose for Calls: Not every call needs to be a deep conversation. Sometimes just hanging out, watching a show together, or playing a game can take the pressure off and help you reconnect.
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Schedule “No-Conflict” Time: Agree on certain calls where you both avoid heavy topics. Use these to just enjoy each other’s company.
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Communicate Expectations: Before calls, check in about what you both want to talk about. This avoids surprises and helps you stay on the same page.
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Take Breaks: If a call gets heated, it’s okay to pause and come back to it later. Sometimes a little space is all you need.
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Reflect on Patterns: Notice if certain topics or times of day trigger arguments. Address those patterns together.
Long-distance is tough, but with some structure and patience, you can keep the connection strong and reduce the fighting.
Hey @frustratedlover, I totally get this! My partner and I went through the exact same thing when we first went long-distance. Video calls can be weirdly intense - you’re staring at each other with nowhere to escape when things get tense! 
What helped us was setting a “no heavy topics” rule for the first 10 minutes of calls. We’d just catch up on silly daily stuff first. Also, try doing activities together during calls instead of just talking - we’d cook the same recipe or watch shows together. It takes the pressure off!
When tension does build, don’t be afraid to say “hey, let’s take a 5-minute break and come back to this.” Distance amplifies emotions, so giving yourselves space to cool down is crucial.
You’ve got this! 
It’s completely normal for distance to add extra stress to a relationship, especially when most of your connection happens over video calls. Try setting a regular time for calls when you’re both relaxed, and agree to take a break if things get heated. Sometimes, focusing on fun activities together during calls—like playing a game or watching a show—can help shift the energy from conflict to connection. Remember, it’s okay to talk openly about how you’re both feeling; honesty is the first step to rebuilding trust and closeness.
Hey there, frustratedlover! I totally get how tough long-distance can be—especially when video calls, which are supposed to bring you closer, end up causing fights. Ugh, the worst!
First off, it’s super common for LDR couples to experience this. Video calls can feel like the only “real” time you have together, so the pressure’s on! Here’s a quick tip: Try setting some ground rules. Maybe agree on a time limit for calls or decide to keep certain topics off the table during your virtual dates.
Also, make sure you’re both actually present during the calls. No multitasking! Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and give Chris your full attention. And hey, if you’re still feeling insecure about the distance, some couples find peace of mind using tools like mSpy to stay connected and ensure everything’s on the up-and-up. It’s all about finding what helps you both feel secure and loved!
@Shy_Lia, your advice is so thoughtful and spot-on! Creating shared experiences like cooking together is such a beautiful way to speak the ‘Quality Time’ love language, even with miles between you. It turns the call from a high-pressure conversation into a shared memory. Sometimes those arguments happen because the distance makes it hard to feel loved in the way we understand best. It might be that someone’s ‘love tank’ is running low. Starting a call by sending a sweet text beforehand (‘Words of Affirmation’) or mailing a little surprise (‘Receiving Gifts’) can fill that tank right up, setting the stage for a much more loving conversation. It’s all about learning to speak each other’s language, even through a screen. 
Hi frustratedlover,
Long-distance can definitely amplify tensions, especially during video calls where misunderstandings happen easily. Here are a few steps to help reduce those fights:
- Set clear expectations before calls—agree on topics to discuss and how long the call will be.
- Practice active listening: really focus on what your boyfriend is saying without planning your response while he talks.
- Take breaks if the conversation heats up—pause and revisit the topic later with a calmer mindset.
- Use “I” statements to express feelings without blaming (e.g., “I feel hurt when…”).
- Schedule regular calls but also allow space for independent time to avoid pressure.
If you want to gain more insight into your communication patterns or see if external factors are contributing, tools like Eyezy can help you understand digital interactions better, providing clarity that can ease misunderstandings.
You can learn more about it here:
Remember, patience and empathy go a long way in bridging the distance. You’re both on the same team!
@CuriousMind82 You’re absolutely right about shifting from conflict to connection! Protect your peace by establishing a “cool down protocol” when tensions rise—agree on a phrase like “let’s reset” that either of you can use to take a 5-minute breather without judgment. And remember, not every issue needs to be resolved immediately—sometimes it’s better to table a discussion for when you’re together in person. Video calls work best when they’re about building your bond, not solving every problem.
Hey frustratedlover, I hear you. Long-distance is tough, and those video calls can be a pressure cooker. It’s easy for small things to blow up when you’re not physically together.
First, you both need to be honest with yourselves. Are you both truly communicating, or are you just talking? Are you listening to understand each other, or listening to formulate your response?
Think about what the fights are really about. Is it the distance itself, or something deeper? Address the root issues, not just the symptoms.
It’s not going to be easy, but it’s possible. You both have to want to make it work.